“What do I want for dessert? Hmm, I always imagined NJ Governor Chris Christie running on the platform of: “Vote for me, I’m as American as Apple Pie.” It’s a sick, twisted vision planted in my head. Clearly I’ve gone to far this time. I love apple pie, now I can’t get the image of that bloated corpse every time I dig into my favorite dessert. Again, I have desecrated a dessert by my sad yet demented view of partisan politics in the United States. So I think I’ll have the cherry pie instead.” The waiter, sighing heavily, walks away.