The State Of Florida Today…this is a pending article, please stand by.

It’s 2011, and Florida is now fast approaching the cutting edge of 2003, despite having the highest internet broadband speeds in the country. The State of Florida is a real, living, Christian Fundamentalist Bible wearing a poorly fitted set of Mickey Mouse ears while holding a shotgun with its tiny little arms, the barrel of which is pointed directly in your face, and the crazy son of a bitch is going to pull the trigger.

Some psychotic individuals dumped the freshly murdered body of a middle-aged female five houses down from where I live, the crime scene tape was up for over 5 days while the St. Petersburg Police department scoured over the recently foreclosed upon and abandoned property in a vain attempt to collect evidence. The local newspapers ignored the story entirely because two St. Petersburg police officers had just been murdered while serving an arrest warrant on a fugitive just released from prison, who could not stop beating the living shit out of his wife. Despite all of that, I was relieved the murdered woman’s body was not actually murdered at the scene, but merely dumped there, obviously some criminal element showed mercy on my selfish soul. The cutting edge state just hacked another poor hapless soul to death with its oversized butcher knife. All “war on drugs” conspiracy’s aside, who knows why she was murdered, and quite frankly, I no longer give a damn. I claim no knowledge about being on the frontline of the war on drugs, but we are certainly at war, with ourselves, and were dropping like flies.

I have to take some serious offense to comparing our new Tea Bag Governor Rick Scott with Adolph Hitler. Despite how sad yet demented Adolph Hitler was, he was smarter, funnier, and much more disciplined than our current governor Rick Scott ever could hope to be. Plus, Adolph Hitler was a much better dancer.

If you are anything of above average intelligence, absolutely loathing stupidity, I would highly suggest moving to another state in this shallow union. Or, what the hell, stay here in Florida, living in oblivion while slowly killing yourself, while pretending such a slow death is going to provide some kind of cathartic relief. Sorry, Mr. Buffet, there are not enough hamburgers or Margarita’s in this paradise to ease the pain of this trip. Florida is a blight on this country, and I promise you, we Floridians are taking the rest of this country down with us. Welcome to the Jerry Springer show.

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